Tseng's list for new recuits
by QUEEN EEVEE
Summary: Welcome to Shinra. You have been expected. Before you are officially signed up we need you to read this list. For your own sanity and ours. Especially when dealing with SOLIDER.


QE:I got bored and was on Gummie bears.

Evestar: FYI We do have a friend who can drink and drink and doesn't get drunk but can not stay sober on Gummie bears.

QE:It epic cause they are legeally allowed to drive.

E.S.P:ANYWAY. Most of these We came up with ourself the rest were from a website.

Evestar:Final Fantasy VII belongs to Square Enix.

QE:I want Cloud and /or Zack. *Drool*

E.S.P:We forgot to mention that we were watching shinra files 3 at the time.

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1. Reno is not allowed to buy hair products; we do not need a Reno shaped corpse anytime soon.  
2. Do not mention Rude s baldness; we do not want to hire new staff. Again.  
3. Zack is not allowed near coffee; even a mako filled Cloud is too fragile.  
4. DON T let Cloud near Gummie Bear; especially near Zack.  
5. Do not start a drinking contest; Cloud can surprisingly hold his drink but not Gummie bears. Zack is dangerously unpredictable. Sephiroth attempts to do anything. Angeal proposes to any mop nearby and...Just don t do it.  
6. Do not let Professor Hojo take you for a quick check up because A it is never quick and B it most certainly not going to be a check up.  
7. Vincent Valentine is not a Vampire no matter what Reno says.  
8. I also do not care if it is alliteration.  
9. Do not enter Sephiroth s room in the morning; it's surprising we can get him into clothes at all.  
10. No matter what you do Sephiroth will put Cloud s safety before yours.  
11. Smuggle and foolproof do not go together; especially when Reno says it.  
12. No one cares if it is only legal in Wutai, you still cannot do it.  
13. Sephiroth will not record if you get into a car chase; he still doesn't know how to turn on the tv.  
14. The same goes for Rude because he doesn't care enough to.  
15. Guys cannot get pregnant. No matter how much Zack freaks out.  
16. Genisis does not need any more pets. Reno and Zack have already got him a Llama, a squirrel, a flock of Chocobo, a Shiva, a Kujata...For the rest see appendix 1.  
17. Reno is not Axel. He doesn t even know who he is. Got that memorized.  
18. You cannot dress Cloud up as a cat. Last time no work got done at all.  
19. No one wants to see pretty woman again.  
20. Do not have a drag party or a cosplay party. We do not need to see Zack in a short skirt again, or Cloud. Especially Cloud as no work ever gets done.  
21. Please do not lost Cloud in a poker game and if you decide to ask Zack to show him the scars from Sephiroth.  
22. You cannot die from Pop Rocks and Coke and no you cannot use it as an excuse to get out of work.  
23. Angeal does not want to hear your new limerick.  
24. Or hear you singing Disco.  
25. You cannot set anything alight. Literally or metaphorically. We have Reno for that.  
26. Please do not remind Zack of his impending restraint order. We have to keep Cloud safe somehow.  
27. You may not call in dead. Even if you are a zombie you have to get your arse into work.  
28. There is a reason why there is a DO! NOT! TOUCH! BUTTON! It is to electrocute Zack for being a bad puppy.  
29. The fridge is not big enough to hide in. I know because Reno got stuck and he's a lanky git.  
30. Licking things in winter is a bad idea. No matter how much Reno will pay you.  
31. You will not use the surveillance cameras to make your own porno. Get your own and clean up after yourself.  
32. Cement sets a lot faster than you think.  
33. Nobody is allowed to start a band; even if Cloud is on tambourine.  
34. Pants are a requirement. Both the American and British version of the word pants.  
35. Do not sharpen your teeth, even if Reno says it is cool, and don t then show off to Vincent.  
36. Do not attack Vincent with sparkles and/or glitter.  
37. For the love of the life stream don't give Reno a crossbow and arrow.  
38. Do not eat anything Vincent cooks. Ask Rude for a reason why. It took him two weeks to clean up afterwards.  
39. Everyone knows Rufus wears a thong. There is no reason to go and prove it.  
40. Flammable and inflammable is the same thing.  
41. Rufus does not want to be saved. He likes having his disability benefits.  
42. Cissnei is not paying me to give her special benefits. The same goes for me.  
43. You cannot rent Zack as an escort. It will take us too long to get him back.  
44. You cannot set up a religion. Even if you convince Zack and Cloud to join.  
45. You cannot call this religion Jenova witness. Sephiroth will murder you.  
46. Do not call Cloud Chocobo head. The last person to was cleaved in half. Reno was lucky the time before that.  
47. Pink Tutu s are not a part of the work clothes...but if you can get Zack to wear one you can have a day off.  
48. Do not hijack a couple of buses then go racing is not a good idea. Even if Sephiroth gives you the go ahead. Ask Reno.  
49. The only reason Genesis can get away with reciting poems is because he can kill us in a heartbeat. Also do not interrupt him in the middle of reciting. Ask Sephiroth and Angeal.  
50. Genesis is not Gackt and he does not appreciate you singing redemption, he does however like it if you can get him a bow tied naked Sephiroth outside his room.

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QE:I think I can actually see Tseng giving out this list.

Evestar:Which is really bad.

E.S.P:PLEASE Review. Dunno why but it would be nice.


End file.
